


How Much Does a Heart Weigh?

by TheGirlWithThePen



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Dynamic Duo, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Molly lives, Widogast is becoming a theme, Yasha is a mom, almost an AU, dirty hobo wizard finds love, i still dont know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 14:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19929607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWithThePen/pseuds/TheGirlWithThePen
Summary: Caleb was a lot of things.He was a murderer.He was a lair.He was a mess.Caleb was a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them.Molly and Caleb have a drunk heart-to-heart, feelings ensue.





	How Much Does a Heart Weigh?

Caleb was a lot of things. He was a murderer; he had killed his parents because Ikathon had told him to. He didn’t regret it, at the time, because that was the only way to save the Empire. It was after, when he heard his mother calling out his name that he realized what he had done. From that moment on, every step he took hurt just as much as the cuts on his arms. 

He was a liar. He had travelled with the Mighty Nein for months now and they didn’t even know his name. These may be the people he trusts most of anyone and they don’t even know his name. They know what came to him in that dirty jail cell when Nott asked him his name. 

He was a mess. He didn’t sleep at night and the few nights he does are plagued by nightmares. Caleb couldn’t remember the last time he took a real shower, let alone let his guard down. He looked over his shoulder and around every corner he expected his past to catch up with him. He was fully prepared to bolt at a second’s notice. Even when he was studying under Ikathon, there was always someone gunning for the top spot, and Caleb had to sleep with his eyes open.

So yes, Caleb Widogast was a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. His mind was like a steel trap. His memory was his saving grace and his worst enemy. He prided himself in being able to read people as soon as he met them. That’s why Mollymauk confused him. He couldn’t understand him like he could the others. He didn’t know what his goal was.

Where the others were goal oriented, Mollymauk was simply trying to leaved the world better than when he found it. This confused Caleb because he never expected anything back. Molly was kind and jovial and everything Caleb was not.

Molly was also beautiful. Caleb couldn’t recall a more beautiful person in his life. His skin was marred by gods only know what, but his bright clothing and even brighter eyes shone every time he laughed. Molly was the kind of person you only met once, and that’s if you’re lucky. Caleb never considered himself lucky, but there was really no other explanation.

Molly was a force of nature. He never gave the world a choice and Caleb was convinced he could move mountains if he wanted to. The first few weeks travelling together, everyone had grown fond of Molly and his particular brand of mischief; but Caleb was especially fond of the quiet nights Caleb, Molly, and Beau spent either talking in the taverns or around a fire. 

That, in Caleb’s opinion was when Mollymauk Tealeaf shined his brightest. Most nights they talked about the events of the day, where they were off to next, or making awkward small talk while Caleb tried to copy his spells. Every now and then though, Molly or Beau would bring out a bottle of liquor out and they would talk about anything and everything. Specifically, Molly would talk about the circus, what little he remembered before, and who he hoped he was. Although a more sober Molly would assure the group that he was perfectly unconcerned about who he was before he was Mollymauk, the Molly that came out so rarely on those nights was a different story. 

It was one of these nights that Caleb first started to look at Molly differently. It had been a particularly uneventful few days, and the party had taken a few odds and ends jobs to make some coin and unwind. The others had all gone to bed for the night, unpacking their bedrolls in the clearing about thirty feet away from the fire that Fjord had started while Beau, Caleb and Molly sat by the fire. 

“Don’t you have those like—” Beau flicked her fingers out in the same motion Caleb used to summon the Dancing Lights.

“Ja, but the fire is…familiar. Maybe not in a good way, but familiar none the less.” Caleb explained, finishing up the last of the spells that he had bought in the town a few days back. Molly chuckled as he passed the bottle back to Beau. Caleb rarely drank with them, but he could see that tonight the drink of choice was a dark brown color, and from the way Molly was leaning closer to him, strong. 

Beau had shed her vest and baggy pants in favor of a bandeau and shorter pants that flared around the ankles. It was summer, and the wind that blew was a warm one. Molly was in an open silk shirt that was an off white color and so sheer Caleb could see the tattoos that went down his arms and back. Even Caleb left his coat behind and was left only in his white buttoned shirt and pants. His holster was beside him and one of the books was in his lap. 

“You are drunk Mollymauk,” Caleb pointed out. The Tiefling was sitting cross legged now, on the ground between the fire and Caleb. His hair was down, and he smiled as he leaned back against Caleb’s knees. Caleb recoiled a bit he was unused to people touching him, with the exception of Nott. Molly looked up at him as if to say “I’ll move,” but Caleb forced a smile, righting his posture and let his hands fall into his lap.

“You know, I didn’t realize your hair was so long until we went to that bath house,” Beau commented as Molly brushed his hair out with his fingers. It went well past his shoulders, and he usually kept it in a braid tucked up under itself.

“My hair grows incredibly quickly. I like it long because it always feels so soft. Not to mention its beautiful, right Caleb?” Caleb shrugged before nodding his head. As Molly smoothed out his hair, Caleb had the sudden urge to touch it. It was a darker shade of purple than his skin, and looked soft as silk. 

“I think I will retire now, good night Beauregard, Mollymauk,” He stood up, placing a hand on Molly’s shoulder as he rose before giving Beau a smile and bedding down for the night. Molly sidled up next to Beau, again sitting in front of her. This time, he put his head on her knees. 

“Are your really trying to flirt with Caleb?” Beau snickered, keeping her voice down, “That man is wreck Molly, you’d have an easier time trying to get Fjord into one of Jesters outfits.” 

Molly shrugged. Caleb was a handsome man, there was no denying that. But he also had…something else inside him. It was something he’d seen in himself before the circus. It was the look of a man who had nothing to lose and nothing to gain. Molly felt for him. He didn’t know how deeply Caleb’s regret ran, but it made him sad. 

“He’s troubled. Aside from the Cerberus Assembly, there’s something he hasn’t told us. I can tell by the way he speaks with us, and by the way he gets antsy staying in one place for too long. He thinks he’s a monster.” Molly confessed.

“Yeah but c’mon man, your feelings are gonna get hurt,” Beau pointed out, passing the bottle back down to Molly. He shook his head and got up, his legs a bit wobbly as he steadied himself against the log. 

“Night Molly,” Beau called after him as he set his bedroll up with the others. Molly waved his hand, unrolling the pallet next the Caleb and Yasha. As Molly began to drift off, Caleb turned to face him.

“You know, I am a monster Mollymauk. I’ve done horrible things,” He whispered, “I cannot allow myself to drop my guard or trust people with my…affections,” he continued, choosing his words carefully.

“The last time I allowed myself to do that it ended quite badly. I could not do that to you, or any of the others. I am very flattered—I am Mollymauk don’t look at me like that—but the simple fact of the matter is that I won’t let any of you get hurt by becoming too close to someone like me.” As Caleb finished his lament, Molly shifted a little closer. 

Caleb really was quite pale; he began to notice. Where Beau tanned in the hot sun, Caleb remained as pale as ever, with the only evidence of his days in the sun was a faint red tint to his nose and cheeks. Molly propped his head up on his hand and looked into Caleb’s eyes.

“We’re all monsters darling, that’s why we aren’t productive members of society. Its how life works. You’re no worse than Beau or Yasha or me or any one of us.” Molly snipped, pointing a finger at Caleb. He could feel the anger start to gather in his chest as he looked over Caleb. “You may be a monster but at least you know what you’ve done. I have absolutely no memory of anything past last summer and how do you think that makes me feel? How do you think it feels to be running from something you don’t even know?” Molly could feel the drunken tears well up in his eyes as he turned over angrily.

“Good night Molly,” Caleb muttered.

That’s how it was for the next several nights. No longer would Molly sit around the fire, but would go off on his own, Caleb didn’t realize how much he missed the late night conversations, nor how much they meant to Molly until Yasha sat down on the ground next to him one night, The Magician’s Judge was strapped to her back and she looked tired.

“You should go talk to him. Whatever you said to him the other night must have really got to him.” She commented, helping herself to some of the meat that was roasting on the fire. It didn’t feel like he was accusing him, per se, but Yasha had a compelling nature about her. It was almost like when his mother would tell him it would be a good idea to help his father in the field. Her tone implied that it wasn’t a question, but she never outright demanded an action. 

“I don’t…where would I even find him? And besides I don’t even know if he would accept my apology.” Caleb defended himself, But Yasha didn’t respond. She just gestured in the direction of the cliffs where Molly had wandered off after eating. 

Caleb followed the dirt path to where the cliffs were, and found Molly swinging his feet and looking out over the mountain. They had just finished clearing a pack of Gnolls out of a mine on a mountain, and had set up a camp on one of the higher peaks. 

“Why are you up here all alone?” Caleb called, walking up to sit beside him. Molly just shrugged and chucked another rock off the edge of the cliff. 

“Just wanted to think. Why? I’m not bothering with my whining over here.” Molly huffed and moved a bit away from Caleb.

“Mollymauk, I did not mean to sound as harsh as I did. I do not do well in those kinds of situations,” Caleb put a hand on Molly’s shoulder, and, surprising them both, pulled Molly closer.

“You always look so sad; I just want to understand why. Your eyes are far too nice be constantly filled with fear,” the Tiefling confided in him. Caleb just looked at him for a moment before taking a deep breath. 

“Molly, when I was training to be a scourger, I had a final ‘exam’ of sorts. I had made it almost the whole way through the process The top seat was not without it’s perks, and while it was nice to be in the favor of powerful people, it also meant sleeping with both eyes open and a dagger under my pillow.” Caleb paused, not meeting Molly’s eyes. “But the last job that we had, we were led to our house. The one we grew up in. As far as we knew, our parents had betrayed us and the peace we were working so hard to create. They—according to Ikathon—could not be allowed to survive.” Caleb winced as his fists clenched instinctively, his dirty fingernails biting into his skin.

“They changed my memories Mollymauk. They told me that killing them was the only logical path. I don’t remember lighting the house on fire, but they said it was one of the most powerful fireball spells they had ever seen. The only thing I remember is my mother screaming my name.” My given name, Caleb added in his mind.  
The look on Caleb’s face was enough for Molly to pull him into his arms and hold him tight. For the first time, Caleb did not try to pull away from the arms that wrapped around him. He could hear Molly’s heartbeat, and it reminded him of when he would have panic attacks as a child and his mother would hold him close until the tears retreated and he was back in his own mind. Caleb relaxed into Molly’s arms for just a moment before realizing the position they had found themselves in. He pulled away, scooting a little closer to Molly as the two of them tossed the small pebbles off of the cliff.

“I’m sorry Caleb…I can’t even imagine,” Molly empathize. He cautiously rubbed a hand across Caleb’s back before settling it on his side, just above his waist. 

“No, you can’t,” the wizard mumbled. To anyone else, it would have sounded brash or rude, the way Caleb responded, but Molly had been travelling with the man long enough to know that Caleb was never one to mince words. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this completely alone anymore. You have people to help carry this load with you. People who care about you,” Molly told him, rubbing small circles into his side. Caleb looked up at Molly, his eyes moving from the tiefling’s red eyes, to his jeweled horns, then finally, to his lips before focusing just past him. 

“In all honesty, I never really had a choice,” Caleb said, huffing a small laugh. Molly leaned in a bit so that he was at eye level with Caleb, and blue eyes met red. Molly searched his eyes for something, but even he wasn’t sure what it was. 

“Let me show you,” Molly whispered in a soft voice before carefully pressing his lips to Caleb’s.  
Molly has kissed a lot of people. He’s spent the night with men, women, and some who weren’t either; but the no amount of time spent day dreaming could have lead Molly to expect that kissing Caleb would be anything like this. Caleb’s lips were warm and tender. The time that they had spent in the summer heat had left his lips a bit chapped, but they felt perfect under his own. 

Caleb’s hand came up to rest on the side of Molly’s face as he carefully kissed back. Both men were hesitant at first, afraid to do something wrong, or too fast, but as they pulled apart, Caleb smiled at Molly and he could feel something bubble up in his chest; and for the first time in almost fifteen years, Caleb could feel something more that regret.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter at @disasterd20s and on tumber at disasster-tieflings :)


End file.
